There is no solace for a mother mourning the loss of her child. How do you survive the unimaginable pain of such a loss?

When people think of pregnancy, they often imagine a positive and wonderful experience, resulting in a beautiful baby. But the heartbreaking reality is how common pregnancy and infant loss truly are. Over one-quarter of all women experience pregnancy loss. One in every 175 births results in a stillbirth, and one in every 100 pregnancies after 20 weeks ends in stillbirth. This translates to the astonishing number of 24,000 stillborn babies each year. That’s 24,000 families leaving a hospital without their tiny human in tow. How does one survive such immense loss?

One local family, Taylor and Jon Thornton, have been navigating this “life after” following the loss of their daughter, Richee, three years ago. “Honestly, day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute is how I have to survive,” shares Taylor. “I am not one to lean on others, but after my loss, I felt like I just had to, just to make it through some days.” Reflecting on the past three years and the many struggles along the way, Taylor recounts, “One foundation I will forever be grateful for is ‘Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.’ They offered a volunteer professional photographer to come in and capture the birth and postpartum moments with our baby. I’ve looked at those photos thousands of times, and each time I’m extremely thankful to have them.”

Another local family, Jamie and Brandon Wright, are turning the loss of their son into a legacy of helping others cope with similar tragedies. Jamie and Brandon were surprised to learn they were expecting their son, Declan. “Every part of Declan’s story has been a surprise,” shares Jamie. “My pregnancy was normal. We did all the tests—the genetic tests and the anatomy scan—and everything was normal, until it wasn’t.”

A little over a year ago, just shy of 25 weeks pregnant, Jamie began experiencing complications that led to an emergency room visit. This culminated in the delivery of their tiny son, born sleeping, already welcomed into the arms of Jesus in Heaven. On August 16, 2023, Declan James Wright was born still. From that tragedy, Declan’s Project was created. “Our goal is to make sure as many critical access hospitals as possible, that don’t have an OB department, are prepared for the unexpected when it comes to pregnancy and babies. Even the smallest blanket can make a difference,” Jamie explained.

The Wrights set out to mail sets of blankets, like the one Declan was buried in, to hospitals across Nebraska. Their initiative has since expanded to Kansas, South Dakota, and Wyoming, with Iowa next in their sights. “When Declan was born, we didn’t have a baby blanket to wrap him in. None of us were prepared for a birth that day,” Jamie said. “We want to make sure no one else has the same experience we had. By sending these packages that share a little bit of our story, we hope to start conversations in hospitals about how they would handle similar situations. At the very least, we want to make sure every baby has a blanket upon birth.”

After their loss, Jamie searched for ways to honor her son during National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month in October. She discovered the Wave of Light, but the nearest event was in Lincoln. The Wave of Light is held on National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, October 15. “Lincoln just isn’t that convenient,” said Jamie.

“After our loss, so many women reached out, sharing their stories. After learning about the Wave of Light, I wanted to have a way to remember all babies. It doesn’t matter when a loss occurred—every baby matters, every loss matters. I wanted to have a place, closer than Lincoln, where anyone who wanted to could come together and honor that.”

Taylor also shares, “In the last three years of processing our loss, I’ve learned that everyone grieves differently. Most mothers enjoy talking about their angels, while most fathers do not, unless with close friends and family. I talk about her to keep her memory alive, not for sympathy. I talk about her so others who go through this don’t feel alone.”

Taylor emphasizes the importance of acknowledging fathers: “Dads are not alone. People tend to ask how the mom is doing but often neglect the dads, making them feel invalid, which they’re not! Dads not only grieve their child, which is near intolerable for them, but they also have to watch their partner suffer, unable to help. Often, they’re grieving a part of their partner that is no longer there after such a traumatic loss.”

The Wave of Light ceremony in Central City will take place at Clarke Park by the Central City Aquatic Center on October 15 at 6 p.m. The goal is to light the world for 24 hours in honor of all babies. In Central Standard Time, the event will be from 7 to 8 p.m. “I dream of a day when the entire pond is surrounded by luminaries and candles,” said Jamie. “A day when everyone who has lost a child feels they can come together and support each other.”

Luminary bags are available this week at All The Things Boutique in Central City for decoration in advance, or you can decorate them at the event. Battery-operated candles will also be provided. “Come and walk, or don’t walk. Decorate a luminary or just place a candle—whatever you want to do, just know you’re not alone,” said Jamie. “Talking about Declan and my journey has helped me personally, and I’ve had several women reach out saying, ‘Because you talk about your loss, I feel like I can talk about mine.’ It breaks my heart that any woman feels she can’t talk about her loss and that she’s alone in this journey.”

Whether it’s an early pregnancy loss or a later one, whether you knew you were pregnant or not, a loss is a loss. “People think it’s different because Declan was born, we had a funeral, and he has a gravesite. Somehow it’s perceived as a more profound loss than someone who lost a pregnancy earlier on, but it isn’t. From the second you find out you’re pregnant, that’s a baby, and you’re excited for the future. Any pregnancy loss is a huge loss,” Jamie stressed. “I don’t accept that we have to live in a society where you feel like you can’t talk about a loss from any stage of pregnancy. I’ve shared every step of my journey, and I want other mothers to know it’s okay to not be okay—for as long as it takes. Don’t hold it in. Talk about it. Ask for help. Get help if you need it. I don’t know how anyone can process something like this alone, and nobody should have to.”

Taylor reflects on the best advice she’s been given: “It’s okay to be sad and have bad days, but you can’t stay there long. As hard as it is, you have to pull yourself out of that dark place. It’ll be hard, but you are worth it.” She added, “I’ve lived by that statement for three years, and it has absolutely helped me through some very hard days.” Taylor’s husband, Jon, also shared, “Lean on your friends and family. They want to help, even if they don’t know exactly how. Keep talking about your angel. It really doesn’t help to keep it all bottled up.”

If you or someone you love has experienced pregnancy or infant loss, whether you’re a mother or father, you are invited to attend the Wave of Light at Clarke Park on October 15. You can also participate privately by lighting a candle at home from 7 to 8 p.m. If you or someone you love is struggling with a mental health crisis due to a loss, please call 988, where a crisis professional can connect you with services in your area. In the event of bad weather, the Wave of Light will take place in the Central City Middle School gym.